Silver Bullet

Actors: Affleck Casey,Wilson Luke,Angela Robinson,Bentley Wes,Hamilton Allen,Moreno Ken,Paoli Carl,Pickren Richard,Kitley Ryan,Snyder Rick,Goldberg Danny,Drama,Horror,Thriller,

Can anyone help me with my writing?
This is my story, in part inspired by the song The Hollow Pt. 1 by Eyes Set To Kill, and I guess it’s a little story that has to do with my name, MyClockworkHeart. Hope you like it! I’m an aspiring teenage writer that is looking for any criticism to help me become a better writer, because one day, I hope to have a book published. Well…here I go…

Maie let her fingers rest on the piano, sneaking a glimpse outside the window, hearing the faint ring of bells. She knew if she stepped outside, even if only for a moment, she would be smothered with all the sounds, the scents of Christmas. But, not today, today she was nothing but a mere doll, a piece of clockwork to play with. It was all because of one deal, one trade, and a desire to live.
The trade was fair, though. To gain anything, you must first sacrifice something. This was Maie’s philosophy, the rule that she lived by. This rule even worked for those few merry holidays, such as this one. To gain gifts, you must first sacrifice your own presents to gain something from another, no matter how small and worthless that something was.
Sometimes, Maie was unable to remember who she was, and so she had a rule to live by, a philosophy. Even if she couldn’t remember who she was, she could remember who she wanted to be, living by that one philosophy.
Maie had died once, on a day similar to this one. Christmas of three years past was when life faded from her eyes for the first, and what should’ve been the last, time. A woman named Lilah, who appeared to be a harmless watchmaker, and a lovely one at that, decided to make Maie a deal.
"Die here, or come with me, and I’ll help you live."
When every bone in your body was beginning to turn into dust, you didn’t have much choice if your desires included living. What Lilah hadn’t said, but truly meant was, "Die here, or come with me and I’ll help you live. That is, if you can prove your worth."
It was cruel, but Lilah had no honor, no shame. The watchmaker felt absolutely no remorse in twisting the once human girl into a simple doll. She had no remorse in reviving the girl, to give her hope, only to take her lively beating heart away. That wonderful, working heart of Maie’s was now in a box, stored in behind mirror filled with vengeful souls. What that poor girl was left with was nothing but a piece of clockwork keeping blood flowing through those veins. At first, Lilah hadn’t thought that it wouldn